Five years ago today, I gave birth to a perfect and beautiful but stillborn baby boy, Matthew. Matthew. His meager worldly memories fit in a shoe box, so it is his name that I cling to and use to assure myself that this day five years ago was real, that he was real. And while I cannot make sense of losing a child, I can now clearly see what a gift the passage of time truly is in healing a heart. It hurts much less and it hurts much less often. Thanksgiving that year was a day of birth, death, hellos and goodbyes, and at that time I didn’t know if I’d be able to participate in another Thanksgiving and truly be thankful.
But here I sit five years later happier, content and more complete than I’ve ever been. I spent my day marveling over the two perfect children I have here with me and loving them with every fiber of my being. It took me losing one son, and the hundreds of tests that ensued, to learn that my other two sons had every odd stacked against them when trying to make it into this world. Today I am thankful for Honey, family, friends, health, happiness and home, but more than anything, today I am thankful for my children and for the opportunity to fill their days with smiles, laughter and unconditional love.
We lit up the house this morning, hummed along to Christmas carols, drank from our hot chocolate station, enjoyed watching our favorite characters in the Thanksgiving day parade, dined with Honey’s family, played baseball, football, and ran around the yard in our bare feet while Christmas music played on the porch. A glorious day indeed!
My cup runneth over.
xoxo
Beautifully said. You give me hope, courage and knowledge. Thank you for being you!
Reading his made my heart very full! How graciously put.
After battling with my health since June of this year and finally getting a clean bill of health on Monday the 19th, I have soo much to be thankful for this year. We tend to take things for granted…
Today we got in the car and drove to a special spot for us all. All 4 of us, the Mr and I and our 2 boys ( men) . We drove while talking and laughing.. breathing and luving. We dined on turkey and cranberry sandwiches :) and M&M's for dessert. Funny Thanksgiving meal for some… but we were together after a trying 6 months. Exactly what we needed.
((HUGS)) to you my dear bloggy friend!!
Cheers, Gee
What a beautiful tribute to your 3 sons.
Have a blessed day.
Bless your heart! You are lovely, Amanda, and I know your family is as thankful for you as you are for them. xoxo
As hard as today was (Christmas is bad!) I am thankful I had 27 beautiful years with my son Michael who we lost March 26, 2011. Thank you for sharing about your Matthew, I completely understand what courage that took for you. Your a incredible mom! Love,Lori
No matter my mood, you always lighten it and make
"everything" else seem so trivial…your blog helps me to be a better mommy…thank you!!!
No matter my mood you always seem to lighten it…you help me to be a better mommy…thank you!!!
Bless you and your beautiful family, Amanda. I read your blog every day, not just because I love looking at your gorgeous home, but because your posts are ALWAYS filled with love for your husband, children, parents, sister, etc.
This post brought tears to my eyes. The loss you endured surely lent a hand to making you the mother you are today, cherishing each day with your children. It's wonderful how you turned your heartache into making life joyful for your family.
Spoken so eloquently.
Amazing. Your children are so adorable. I don't even know how you would begin to navigate such a tragic loss. What a great message of hope!
Sending you lots of love Amanda!!
It is so obvious how much you love your family and I am always inspired by the way you make each day special for your boys. As hard as this time of the year is for you, you have handled your sadness in such a positive way. Your family is very lucky to have you. Happy Thanksgiving Amanda!
-Shelley