The Guy We Didn’t Hire

I mentioned earlier in the week that we’ve been getting quotes from a sundry of yard folks over the last couple of months.  A couple (ie. TWO) have been great.  A few have been completely unimpressive.  And then there is the guy I knew we would not hire within two minutes of his rat-a-tat-tat on the door.  Here’s how it all went down:

Him: *knocks on the garage door*
Me: *annoyed that I can’t see who it is since he didn’t come to the front door like every single other non-friend visitor in four years* Who is it?
Him: Eric.
Me: Eric who?
Him: *in an annoyed rude voice* Eric from xxx Lawn Care.  Your husband sent me.
Me: *opens door*  Hi.  I couldn’t see you and I don’t like to just throw open the door.  Would you like to walk around the yard?
Him: That’s why I’m here.  *again, in annoyed rude voice*
Me: *At this moment I know I will not hire this man.*

A few minutes later…
Me: I think that my husband wanted the grass in the back aerated.  It seems to be coming in all patchy and he wants to give it the best possible chance.
Him: What kind of grass is it?
Me: I figured you would know.  I believe it is zoysia.
Him: If your husband wants to pay me to aerate your zoysia then I will do it.  I’ll do whatever he wants to pay for.  But I’ve never heard of aerating zoysia. 
*Just so y’all know, we looked it up and have had two other opinions – all say that aerating our grass would definitely help things.  Thanks for nothing annoying rude man.*

The unspeakable…
*The man’s zipper is down and it just happens to catch my eye.  For like 100th of a millisecond.  I SWEAR.*
Him: I saw you look down there.
Me: *O.M.G. did he really just call me out on that?????!!!!!  I remain silent.  I mean, what response would be appropriate???*
Him: Is my zipper down?
Me: *OOOOOOMMMMMMMMMGGGGGGG.  Why can’t he just look for himself?  I don’t answer.  I am way to mortified and uncomfortable.*
Him: *zips up his zipper*  Yeah, I’ve been having problems with that zipper.
Me: *Want to run inside and never come out.  Oh, and bless Honey out for sending this creep to the house.*

The icing on the cake…
Him: *He is assessing the trees Honey has marked with a pink ribbon to denote the ones we want cut down.*  Your husband is an engineer, right?
Me:  Yes.  Why?
Him: It’s just a gift I have.  I can tell by the way the trees are marked.  I’m just really good at figuring things out and knowing things about people.
Me: *I say nothing.  But I’m thinking … gifted, you say?  You mean, it wasn’t the Georgia Tech car tag, the Georgia Tech lawn chair OR the Georgia Tech golf clubs laying there that tipped you off?  I mean, there are approximately two majors other than engineering at the school.*

And while it was super annoying/awkward/creepy while it was happening, I’ve gotten a few good laughs out of it since.  This poor man needs some serious help with his business acumen and general social skills.


Bless his heart.
xoxo

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45 thoughts on “The Guy We Didn’t Hire

  1. "I saw you look down there"….oh my goodness how embarrassing! I mean an unzipped zipper does tend to catch ones eye and if you were having trouble with it wouldn't you wouldn't you make sure zipped when you knocked on the door? Sounds like he doesn't have a thriving business!

  2. Yikes..I hate it when my husband can't make it to quote mtgs with contractors. You never know what kind of person you are going to get.

  3. Most men are pretty quick to adjust their pants fasteners, not stand around and talk about it. Sounds to me like you dodged a bullet (no pun intended) by not hiring him.
    We once had a cable install man who was throwing away random things in our house and pulling beds away from walls and not returning them to the wall. It was so strange!

  4. OH MY GOSH!!! where do people like this come from????? I totally have had a few experiences like that recently as we wrap up these projects. how awful!!!

  5. Oh my goodness! He sounds like a people person for sure. I love a man that only wants to deal with the husband. Hence why I am driving the car I am. I wanted a big ole SUV and the sales man would only talk to my hubby. We left and I said I wanted to drive over to look at the one car I didn't want. The sales man was in Carolina blue, from my home town, I knew where his mama and daddy lived and all he had to do was act like I existed!

  6. I laughed so hard at this I cried. We likewise talked to a couple folks about landscaping who were total flakes, but this dude takes the cake. Siri would be a better landscaper than he would!

  7. I about died laughing reading this. I can really appreciate this after having all the contractors come out to give us quotes on our back deck. I mean, sometimes I wonder why they even come out if they are going to appear rude or even barely seem to care if they get the job or not. Then, out of five guys who came out, only three even bothered to follow through with an actual quote! The contractor we picked was an obvious choice when he answered every question with a "ma'am". He also talks directly to me and realizes I (not my husband) am the "real" decision maker. On a side note, I came on here to see what hangers you use for hanging plates and am headed to Home Depot to finally hang those plates you gave me in my kitchen (they are tired of only sitting on plate holders!)

  8. OMG! That's funny! We had a cable guy come out, and of course my husband wasn't here to deal with him. So he proceeded to explain, in a chastising way, the cable issue. While doing this, he passed gas 3 TIMES and then asked to use our bathroom and stunk up the whole downstairs!! I couldn't wait for that guy to leave.

    Nicole

  9. Thank God you lived to tell the story! He was certainly creepy! Keep a eye out for his truck in your neighborhood, if you see it …RUN!!!! Lori

  10. Oh gosh…some people are just ridiculous aren't they? How does this poor guy EVER get any work with social skills like that??? This made me laugh out loud reading it!!!!!

  11. Oh my GOODNESS….what a creep. I would have slammed the door, ran in the house and hid!! I am like you, I never open the door to people I do not know. I have watched too many crime shows on TV!!

  12. I am still laughing while my dog is staring wondering why… If only he could understand. I am still laughing. This will give many people a conversation topic. People do amaze me. Bless his heart. :)

  13. Amanda you handled the situation well. He is a creep for sure. He was trying to stimulate himself by knowing you would eventually notice his zipper and he could get a thrill. My sister was almost raped in her home by a guy doing kitchen tile work. She was able to get lose, grab her purse (which I wouldn't have had the foresight to do) and run out the garage door. Please be careful. Ex-cons sometimes can only get labor jobs… My landscaper told me his crew were all out of jail. I almost fainted, then locked all doors and never set foot outside.

  14. Hysterical!!! I laughed out loud!! This would so happen to me! Some people have NO tact!! Your right, Bless his heart!!!!!???

  15. Your story telling is hilarious….i even decided to read it to my husband..he however didnt find it quite as funny…he spent 35yrs. In law enforcement and not to scare you but he thinks you had one sick cookie at your house(he doesnt think the zipper problem was an accident) thank God that things turned out fine. love your blog.

  16. Hi DD!!!

    I didn't like this story from the start. Who knocks on the garage door? Like REALLY!!! I don't like him at all!!!! Sorry, but, I was sexually assaulted by a "Fix it guy" in my own home. Now nobody comes near this place until I have someone home with me.

    This guy has all the earmarks for being disturbed. Sorry, but, I've learned my lesson.

    Pam

  17. he deserves the creep of the year award! i'm so sorry your had to deal with this twerp and the unzipped zipper? how awful….i think i'd turn him in to the BBB!

  18. OMG! hahahah! i would die! i hate when people call me out and make things awkward. UGH!!! how uncomfortable! at least you no longer have to see him again! hahah! you are hilarious by the way!

  19. Nothing is funny about what happened. He's a pervert and you should have filled out a police report. He probably intentionally hoped to expose himself; particularly since he was basically hoping you'd glance in that direction and then called you on it. There are countless creeps in the world. I wouldn't be surprised if you found his picture on the sex offender's website. Do the community a favor and report him to the police. Susan N.; Kent WA. Good Luck!

  20. This isn't funny to me it's a little scary. Were you scared when he was there? I definitely would have called the company to report the zipper thing.

  21. I can't lie – the thought that this was some sort of "game" and that he could have ill intentions did occur to me. But I never felt scared and my gut didn't tell me to run (believe me, I would have.) I also would not have thought twice about reporting him if I truly felt he was a predator (I have complained about a grocery store employee when I DID feel scared in an incident a few years ago)…it's hard to convey the nature of things like this in writing. It was extremely awkward and uncomfortable, but nothing more. :-)

  22. I recently found your blog and began reading it from the first post so am not sure if anyone will see this comment. Reporting incident to police is a good idea IF you were in a public place/workplace. But reporting something that occurred at your home takes a second thought. His supervisor at the lawn care business will tell him it was you or the police follow-up will let him figure out it was you. He knows where you live, he saw toys indicating you have small children, he knows your husband is gone during the day, he knows your size and has estimated your strength, etc. I think he was trying to "get-off" with the zipper incident, I am glad you did not make him angry, and I am not sure I would report him as your first thought is to protect yourself & your children. I think you handled it correctly by letting him know you were cautious, etc. Sometimes when I answer the door and am uncertain of the person, I carry a butcher knife or my sewing scissors "oh hi – sorry – you just caught me in the middle of sewing/cutting bread!" I figure I have a fighting chance!!!

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