Note: I wrote this post back in July and felt weird sharing then because it was still raw and I couldn’t get over my ridiculous feelings at the time. I do, however, like to share personal stories every now and then as long as they don’t intrude (too much) on my kids’ privacy (especially the teen.)
This morning John registered for an online Freshman math class that he will take concurrently with his regular eighth grade schedule. He got a hair cut and an extra cleaning at the dentist (recommended due to his braces). When he walked back out to the waiting room, he took my breath away. He’s growing so fast and I felt the overwhelming sensation that time is fleeting.
Whit still gets a school supply list over the summer. I went through that yesterday and made a list of new things needed versus items we already had at home from last year. He declined my invitation to go to Target with me, preferring to head to a friend’s house instead. Yesterday he declined my invitation to go to the movies, opting to play basketball and xbox with his brother.
Which brings me back to today.
I’m standing in Target trying to find a red folder with two pockets and prongs (as opposed to any other color, one with pockets and no prongs, or prongs with no pockets) and an acquaintance catches my eye. She’s with her almost-teen daughter, they’re sipping on their Starbucks refreshers and wearing matching Simply Southern tees. And, right then and there, I started crying in Target. I had that with my mom. Still do.
After spending two solid weeks with CeeCee (and three boys), I got a taste of what it’s like to have a daughter. She talked to me, wanted to brush and style my hair, had me paint her nails just like mine, asked to use my makeup “just for fun”, held my hand every place we went, sat on my lap on planes, trains, boats and between, shared the cherries in her cherry cokes, and so on and so forth. I know she’s only six, and maybe the teen years will bring a bump in the road, but man being around her was incredibly special. I felt so loved and so adored. And she loves her “mama” and “dada” just as big.
Those tears in Target had me burning with shame and embarrassment. I am so fortunate to have beat all the odds to get the two boys I have here on Earth. I feel so blessed that sometimes I find myself wondering when it will all fall apart. Wanting for one more thing than I already have is too much.
I pulled myself together and headed to get my own Starbucks, on the card Daddy-O fills up for me every time it goes below $25 as a small treat and reminder of his love. Again, my cup runneth over.
I’m not entirely sure why I’m telling this long story with no real end. I think to share that I used to dream of the day I’d go to Target untethered to wander the aisles for as long as I desired. Well, I’ve arrived and it isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be. (But some times it is… I’m just having a moment, I think.)
For you moms with little ones, I know the days are long and tiring. But, the years are short and in the blink of an eye you may just have a man-child and a tween and find yourself crying in the aisles of Target for days gone by.
For Sister, thank you for sharing your precious daughter with me. I often say that I love her like my own and I sincerely mean that. She is the greatest gift you’ve ever given me.
For Mother, thanks for the big virtual hug when I texted you. She said right then and there that’s going shopping for three Simply Southern shirts for us. It wasn’t about the shirt at all, but the gesture made me grin. I’ll never be too old to twin with my mom and sis. I’m so thankful all the time we spent on our big Alaska adventure and go to bed every night with thanks to God that I have you.
For my boys, I am so insanely proud of you and love you with every fiber of my being. You’re my greatest joys and adventures. You’re both growing, maturing and are so independent. Life is trucking along for you exactly as it should – with friends, basketballs and video games. You should never feel like you are my crutch. I want you to soar from this nest one day, I just may shed a few tears along the way.
DIXIE DELIGHTS DELIVERED