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I am wondering if I had girls instead of being blessed with boys, would I be asked to take a picture of their big poopy?

A friend of mine has just told me he’s shagging his girlfriend and her twin.  I asked, “How can you tell them apart?”  He said, “Her brother has a moustache.”

Friends don’t let friends use faux foliage above kitchen cabinets.

Had to bring my son to the office with me today.  He brought handcuffs with him.  What you take to big daddy’s liquor store does not translate to a PR agency.

I’m pretty sure whoever looks at this photo is split between 1) That is SO what is lurking under my car seats right now and 2) That is SO repulsive and I can’t imagine how that could happen… if you relate with #2 consider birth control

I guess it does sort of sound like that if you say it with a really thick Southern accent?

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