I stumbled on this article and it was one of the most real and heartfelt things I’d read in a long time. It was so normal, at the end of a long week with too much stress, conjecture and uncertainty.
A Photographer’s Parents Wave Farewell
Deanna’s Leaving & Waving Series
And, it left me crying all the ugly tears.
At the end of their daughter’s visits, like countless other mothers and fathers in the suburbs, Dikeman’s parents would stand outside the house to send her off while she got in her car and drove away. One day in 1991, she thought to photograph them in this pose, moved by a mounting awareness that the peaceful years would not last forever. Dikeman’s mother wore indigo shorts and a bright pink blouse that morning; her father, in beige slacks, lingered behind her on the lawn, in the ragged shade of a maple tree. The image shows their arms rising together in a farewell wave. For more than twenty years, during every departure thereafter, Dikeman photographed her parents at the same moment, rolling down her car window and aiming her lens toward their home. Dikeman’s mother was known to scold her daughter for her incessant photography. “Oh, Deanna, put that thing away,” she’d say. Both parents followed her outdoors anyway.
Source
If you just replace Dikeman with Amanda, the story is the same.
Every single time I have driven away from my parent’s home, my home, Mother and Daddy-O have stood in the driveway, their arms raised together in a farewell wave. This started with my first visit home from Georgia Tech in the fall of 1994. I backed out of the driveway headed to Atlanta in hot pursuit of a college degree, freedom and a cute boy (no particular one…ha!). I stopped at the end of the driveway and rolled down my window and zealously waved back. I put the car in drive and watched them in my rear view mirror until they disappeared from sight. I was shocked when suddenly tears fell from my eyes. I was homesick. As much as I loved college, I loved home more.
For twenty-six years, we’ve continued to dutifully play our roles. They wave. I roll down the window and wave. I drive away, watching them until the very last moment. Tears creep from my eyes. Shoot, sometimes they pour from my eyes.
Because I’m getting married and things won’t ever be the same.
Because work is hard and stressful.
Because I bought a house and don’t know if we can afford it.
Because I’m having a baby and things won’t ever be the same.
Because I had a baby and I don’t know how I’ll ever be a good enough mom.
Because I lost a baby and I don’t know how I’ll ever be whole again.
Because I just want to be their little girl again.
Because I had a baby and I don’t know if my heart can grow enough to love another one.
Because I got a job that I’m not ready for.
Because I quit a job without a plan.
Because they love me so much and so unconditionally that it hurts to leave.
Because I know one day I’ll leave and they won’t be there.
Our parting wave is such a simple, seemingly insignificant routine, but it’s ours. In balancing all the things on my plate as a mom, wife, friend and business owner, I don’t get home as much as I used to. But, I know, the next time I do I’ll be welcomed with open arms and sent away with a heartfelt wave.
And, from now on, I’ll take the cue from Deanna and snap the picture. Adding another step to our practiced routine. <3
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Amanda, yet another beautiful post with such beautifully written words! Thank you! ~ Sherri
You warned us…yes this post brought out the waterworks! Leaving & Waving…wow it brings back such bittersweet memories. All of my immediate family has always lived close by so we weren’t separated by the miles but my husbands family was more spread out. His late grandparents lived in the same state but 3 hours away. When we visited, his grandmother would always come out to the driveway and wave so pitifully usually with tears in her eyes when we left. I would hold back my tears until we left the driveway and she couldn’t see me. When she got older, she stopped coming outside to wave us goodbye and kissed us at the door instead. She said it was just too sad.
As a baby boomers, my husband and I have seen our roles change with our parents as they became older. Sadly, my husband has lost both his parents now with his Dad passing away six months ago at age 90. So all those old photos are priceless now and they comfort us when it comes the time they aren’t there.
Dear Amanda,
Such a beautiful commentary on such a seemingly ordinary gesture. You reminded me and everyone that love is in the small details of life. Just sign me,
The Luckiest Parent (Marme)
What a wonderful story and article. Thanks for finding it and sharing. I remember leaving to go back to ATL, where I moved when I left KY. I drove home one weekend a month. I left everytime with tears. Ar both grandmother’s houses, plus my dad’s.
Just beautiful
My parents always did the same thing, and I never thought to take a picture. It’s too late now. They’re both gone. How I wish I had captured that moment in film and not just in my mind. Beautiful reminder.
Thank you, Amanda for sharing the exact feelings that I was blessed to share with my dear Great Aunt at her house. It occurred for more than three decades, even up until she had to stay inside and wave from the window. Every time I cherished it, knowing our moment was special and the tears came faster and faster as the years went by. My mom always hugged and kissed me and we had our little ways but there is something about “the wave” that gets to you. May God bless you and your family each and every day. Your have a beautiful heart.